February 5, 2010

Today is one of those days that I don’t wish to see again. For once you feel like you deserve a chance to rewind the time-machine and make up for something you did. I have not had too many moments in life that I can count as ‘regrets’, and so, now, when I have one, it is hitting terribly hard.

It is for once, when I am beginning to feel that urgency in a corner of my stomach; when I know there is something going really wrong, just not the way it is supposed to be. When I know, I have pissed off a really sweet friend, and I can’t see a way or enough words to apologize and set everything right.

It was that bunch of magically destructive words I said, a gesture I could and should have avoided and a pain I shouldn’t have cursed myself with. It is when my own words betray me, because they so cruelly refuse to come back. More so, when, I couldn’t have meant it, a fraction of the way I said it.

Not too many times am I left alone, thinking about how to correct that tiny mistake. Not often do I see myself admitting that I was sorry, and still not relieving myself of an unsure guilt, with a conscience that says, ‘No. It is not undone yet.’

Now, is one of such times. What I have said, I see no way of taking back.
I am helpless now. But, there is hope. That it will be O.K.

If you are reading this, you know what it means to me, to know that I am forgiven. Totally. And for ever.

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