Cheer, is another term. It might get as close to happiness as a tissue paper flower gets to a rose, but definitely not beyond. People can sure be cheerful, inspite of a deep unhappiness buried within their souls. I have attempted to be cheerful through many stages, good and bad, for the only reason that hope never failed to linger around. And it was cheer at a point of time, that made me cheerful for the time to follow.
Now, there is one question that has been haunting me for quite a while now. What is the one point so nice about 'happiness', that I ve always failed to understand? Because, I am quite clear now, that it was 'cheer' I was chasing all the while, and not 'happiness'. It was satisfactory. It never failed me, while I was through the rough path. I was content with being cheerful all this while. And it never occured to me that I lacked a quotient of happiness.
Not that I find it a minus in my life to lack happiness; I never knew enough of its significance to understand. Second-by-second, minute-by-minute, one-time contentment was what I had always aimed for, and flawlessly achieved.
Above all, I don't find it a neccesity to be happy in life always.
I ve heard, "I do everything for the happiness of it". Many times. I find it lame.
Life doesn't have to be happy always. There is no reason why one should get everything one wants. Not a speck of reason more for why one should be 'happy' with what one has.
For me, Life is essentially a mixture. I need all sorts of emotions in equal proportions. More like a roller coaster ride than like a train journey- Ups and downs, highs and lows rather than a pleasant countryside view. I do not try and rule my emotions, because I don't think that makes any sense. I cry because I feel like crying and I feel like crying because things around me seem to generate that feeling. If there is someone good enough to rule their emotions; I think they wouldn't have a more moronic way of cheating themselves!
If at one point in life one has to be angry with his environment, he better be. If today I hate to make compromises in life, I d rather, I know I hate it. And all the compromises I make, they better be worth the fruits they bear. If I want to cheat some really good friend; if I really want to. I do. If I carry regrets in life, I d rather have them, than craving for a false happiness not having them!
All this while I see no part of my brain groping for the key-word!
Contrasting what I heard before, Happiness in life for me is not the journey. It is the goal.
The Goal which I would realize the moment before I breathe my last.